#DBlogWeek Day Three - What Brings Me Down

- So how are you?
- Oh, you know. I'm fine. How are you?

Yeah, that's pretty much how it goes. I'm fine. And I do care about how they are.

But there's many a time that I'm not fine.

So why do I say I'm fine?

Because I want to spare you from the things that I worry about.
Because I want to spare you from my fear.
Because I don't want you to think that I'm moaning.
Because I don't want you to think I'm weak.
Because I don't want you to pity me.
Because any of those are possible, and I don't know what would be the worst.
Because I'm tired and the explanation of why I'm not would take too long.
Because I don't want you to think that I did this to myself.
Because I don't want you to think that I'm not trying.
Because I don't want you to be disappointed in me.
Because we just don't have time.
Because sometimes I just can't say why I'm not.

Just...because.

But it's not because I don't think you can handle this.
But it's not because I don't want to share with you.
But it's not because I don't trust you.
But it's not because I don't appreciate you.
But it's not because I don't love you.

It's because I do.

Sometimes I know you can handle it, but I can't explain what's wrong. I want to share with you, but I don't want you to think I'm weak. I love you, and I can't bear to disappoint you.

So I suppose the most honest answer is - no, I'm not fine. But I'm trying to be.

And having talked about negatives all week, I'm looking forward to focussing on the positives more tomorrow!

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